They couldn’t have gone far. Right? I simply cannot believe that they’re not here.
I know they’re here. They have to be. Think about it. Where could they have gone? They have to be here around here somewhere. I’ll keep looking, weeding out the impostors, until I find authentic dumb fucks.
I’m talking about idiots. We all are well acquainted with their kind. Their hideous ilk. Stupid people. Sadly, in our society today, we don’t have stupid people anymore; we only have a steaming pile excuses. Excuses for why Topher made a left on red, Carl put his fork in the microwave or Sally thought the bottle of antifreeze was Mountain Dew. Comes from our parents and teachers first, many of whom are idiots themselves. There are no excuses that make these things okay. None. You can explain something a million times and still reach the same conclusion: some people are fucking morons. And, that’s okay. It’s the way it has to be. Einstein wouldn’t be nearly as smart without placing his huge cranium in the context of a planet that produces people like Jessica Simpson and Mos Def. You need morons to help the intelligent, make them look better, shine a little brighter. A world of destructive political correctness gives the stupid portion (majority) of the population a free ride.
Nowadays, there’s a disease or a disorder, a syndrome or a genetic predisposition that absolves everyone of their idiocy. Why can’t we as human beings accept the fact that some us are idiots? Let’s study cavemen. While some enterprising hominids were off working on fire and making the wheel, others were probably cooking rocks and making love to the scenery. We are not all created equal. We weren’t then, and we sure as shit are not now.
“Well, listen, they can’t help if they’re not that intelligent.” Okay, fine. Since when did that matter? Some people are smart and others are stupid the same way some are beautiful and most are ugly. Are we supposed to pretend that some pig in the parking lot guzzling lard and Fruit Loops isn’t ugly because he or she couldn’t help it? Born that way? That only explains, never excuses. For every Kate Hudson, there are 7 million slobbering Michael Moores.
In elementary school, I knew plenty of kids who were stupid fucks. They didn’t have ADD, ADHD or some other bogus malady, they were only imbeciles. Were they decent folks? Sure. Didn’t change the fact that they couldn’t tie their shoes without a set of directions. Kids who thought legos were more of a snack than a toy. Children who never quite mastered the art of spelling their own name. Which, again, is fine. But, we’ve all come to pretend that everyone is “equally different” as if that makes a goddamn lick of sense. We are “differently different.”
A lot of people will try and say- “you have to understand. Their brains don’t work the same.” Yeah. Precisely. Except remove the last two words and you have a perfectly valid statement. Can morons lives happy and productive lives? Of course. Most of country is populated by them. Truth be told, most presidents are idiots. To be fair, the best ones are idiots. But, that argument is best left for another post, another time, another season. The idea that Americans are dumber than most is a fallacy. Most people are stupid, regardless of country of origin.
Let’s just have some semblance of honesty in our language. Stop the “Little Elroy is slower than most. He has a HUGE heart.” Slow? Hybrid Cars are slow. People aren’t slow, they’re stupid. Little Elroy is a stupid bastard. The sooner he learns this, the earlier he’ll learn to cope with it and better off he’ll be in the long run.
So, where have all the idiots gone? Nowhere. We’ve attempted to pretend by changing the language so we can rid ourselves of morons. Euphemisms can’t change reality. They’re right here. In our schools, in our bars, hospitals and prisons. Right at home.
The sun rises and sets each day. The tides roll in. And, each day somewhere, as one idiot dies, countless more stupid pricks are born. They aren’t all slow, mentally handicapped or disabled. They’re only idiots. Call it the circle of life, call it the natural order of things, let’s just call it what it is: